The Choices We Make

Life is all about choices, right? Good choices lead to good outcomes; bad choices lead to bad consequences. But some choices are equivalent in nature....and the outcome, either way you choose, is simply an outcome.

Last weekend, Kellie-Laine had a choice to make for herself that proved to be very difficult when the city league basketball team she plays for entered an out-of-town tournament. This was the team's first tournament, and to be honest, the parents didn't have our hopes too high that the Trekkers would make it very far. Don't get me wrong....the girls have made significant improvements through the duration of the season, but with only two wins under their belts, the prospect of taking a tournament victory seemed slim.

So....we ventured to Mart, Texas, for a two-day tournament, which happened to fall on the same weekend as the Central Texas Fatherhood Initiative, Father/Daughter Ball. Kellie-Laine and Cody have attended this event for two years now, and it's an amazing experience for fathers and their daughters. Imagine prom....but for dads and daughters. Cool, huh? Here's a photo from last year's ball:

There were three girls on the basketball team who planned on going to the ball as well, and so heading into the tournament we knew that, depending on our wins, there was a likelihood that we'd have to bow out of the tournament to get to the ball.

You know what they say about the best laid plans.....the Trekkers exceeded our expectations and made it to the semi-finals. Playing the semi-final game meant missing the ball....not just showing up late or making part of the ball. Missing the whole thing completely.

We had all of 10 minutes to deliberate on Kellie-Laine's choices. She was crying huge crocodile tears as she struggled with the choice, and I could see the conflict inside her. I simply expressed to her that the decision was hers to make and there was not a wrong or right decision. Her coaches came by and gave her their blessing to go to the ball, "You'll have other tournaments" they said, "go have fun." Her teammates also gave her the go-ahead, "We'll call you and let you know how it turns out," they said.

Still crying, she expressed remorse that we had already purchased tickets to go, bought a dress, and that Cody probably really wanted to take her (did I mention we also managed to squeeze in a manicure in between games?). So we called and talked to Cody, and he, too, gave her the blessing to stay and play the tournament.

And with that, the decision was made.

The Trekkers played their fifth and final game and lost by 7 points. Afterwards, Cody gave Kellie-Laine a consolation prize: the beautiful corsage he had ordered. "We didn't get to go to a ball," he said, "but you played some hard ball tonight!" There was no remorse on Kellie-Laine's face for the decision she had made.

Afterwards, I had some time to ask Kellie-Laine what was going through her mind when she was making her choice. She told me that she saw several of the girls leaving the game to go to the ball and that made her realize how much the team needed her. She's always been an amazing team player, and that night she proved how far she was willing to go for a chance at a victory.

Even though the victory eluded us, I felt victorious watching my daughter make such a mature, heart-wrenching choice. I was proud that she was willing to give up something fun for herself for a commitment to her team. I was touched that she was concerned about hurting Cody's feelings if she didn't go to the ball and that his feelings mattered to her. And I was glad that even though her team lost, Kellie-Laine was satisfied with her choice and didn't have any regrets. Decision making is part of life, and I think she handled this one beautifully.

The next day she called her best friend, Phoebe, to get the scoop on the dance. I held my breath as she gave me the report, hoping not to sense any regret, "Phoebe said it was fun and that they had lot of candy. But it was pretty crowded and they didn't dance that much." With a shrug of her shoulders, it was over...gone....and forgotten.

Just tonight, Kellie-Laine removed the last remaining evidence of the father/daughter ball....the french manicure. She seems, however, rather proud of the three large bruises and jammed index finger she received from her basketball games this weekend.

I am so proud of her. I love you, Kellie-Laine!