Zig, Then Zag

I'm thinking of re-naming my blog to: Adventures of a Bi-Polar Supermom. What do you think? (And please don't send me email or post comments about my insensitivity to those with actual bi-polar disorder. I'm highly sensitive.....so sensitive, in fact, that I think I might very well be bi-polar.)


So after my recent post about the "peacefulness in my spirit about being a mom," I have now zagged into a mommy funk. Isn't that the way it always goes, especially for us women? Just when we think we're coasting along in one particular mood....we zig, then zag in a total opposite direction. No wonder men can't figure us out! So back to this funk.....keeping it real for ya, folks. There are days I wake up and already have a bad attitude about catering to the demands of others. Since these demands start before I'm even out of bed, it's hard to wake up with abundant patience and radiant positivity. Sometimes I just don't want to. Period.


Today was one of those days, and I knew it the night before. I took a little extra time this morning to pray for a smooth day, but gosh darnit, I kept falling asleep mid prayer. I am a total loser. Part of it was that I had nothing pressing to do, which meant most of my day would be spent making things up to do (i.e. entertaining the girls) which requires 1. creativity and 2. energy. Of which I possess neither. Another part was that I was coming off of a low-back injury from my efforts to feed the homeless. (Okay, so that was a total lie. I wish I had been feeding the homeless or running a marathon or simply picking up a heavy child. Nope. I injured my back spray tanning. Can you say l-o-s-e-r?) The final nail in the coffin of mommy funky-ness was that yesterday I opened up "Beeler Daycare" at my home to host all of my Bible study friends' kiddos. Thirteen kids were in my home for three hours, and I couldn't spend another day cooped up at home. I was actually going to have to go somewhere.


After picking up Landrie at noon from school, Emerie decided she wouldn't eat and didn't want to nap. Landrie decided that she would talk non-stop while stopping in between sentences to ask, "Did you hear that, Mom?" or "Are you listening?" with the attitude Veruka Salt. Then, the furniture company called to say that my bedroom furniture that was promised for delivery in two weeks was on a slow boat from China and would actually be more like 6-8 weeks. This alarmed me because I didn't realize that my high-end, brand name, over-priced furniture was being made in China....but there was no turning that boat around now. Husband came home for a quick bite, and left telling me he shouldn't be late tonight (light at the end of the tunnel). Then husband calls back an hour later saying he would, after all, be late (light quickly fading in tunnel). Kellie-Laine went home with a friend, and I stood alone in my aloneness.


The girls and I ran one quick errand to drop off a gift to my friend, who is a pediatric PA. It took everything in me to overcome the urge to let my kids play in the waiting room play area. I probably would have done it, but the receptionists already knew I didn't have an appointment. I also didn't like the way they stared at me when I walked in and announced "Oh, we're just here to visit!" I settled for letting the girls ride the elevator up and then taking the stairs down. It killed about 3 minutes. We then headed to the park, and it was actually kind of nice. To end the painstaking day, I tried a new recipe for shrimp cervache tostadas....and I realized mid-bite that I don't like cold shrimp. It was gross.


Soooooo.....I realize you readers might be saying things like, "Get over yourself" or "Take an anti-depressant and get on with it" or you may even be thumbing through your phone book for the number to CPS. However, let me assure you.....I know there are women out there who are desperate for just one of these moments from my day. Angie Smith, who just lost her baby upon delivery, would give her eye teeth for one day like this with her sweet Audrey Caroline. Who am I to complain? Kelly, from Kelly's Korner, who is dealing with infertility and would desire nothing more than to struggle through a day of motherhood if it meant she would bear her own child. Who am I to complain?


Motherhood (as well as life in general) is really about perspective....and the occasional greener grass. I am well aware that these are fleeting moments, and all too soon I'll turn around and long for my children to be underfoot, talking incessantly, and taking naps in cribs. I know that while I've zigged to this particular place, soon I'll zag to happy-mommy land again and all will be right with the world. But in an effort to keep things real for you readers, I wanted to share with you that today was not that great of a day in SuperMom world. I need you to know, and empathize with me, that being a mom is not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes mommyhood is an endless snotty nose on a toddler who took her diaper off in the crib (again) and tee-teed....or a middle child who is passionately kissing a balloon in questionable dress-up clothes. Mommyhood is a pre-teen daughter who thinks her friend's mom is a million times cooler than you are because friend's-mom buys her stuff at Target. Mommyhood is having all of your children wrinkle their noses and make choking sounds when you set dinner down on the table....mommyhood is kids fighting over the princess Aurora doll that neither knew existed until one child found it.....it is laundry that is never done, toys that are never completely picked up, and tummies that are never too full for fruit snacks or Oreos.


And so I'll go to sleep tonight....thankful for these character-building opportunities....prepared to wake up and do the same song and dance tomorrow. I better start praying now......