Thursday, April 24, 2008

Gettin' Real

For the most part, I think my life is pretty transparent. I know some of you don't know me that well (or at all) but if you did, you'd know that my life is an open book. There's not much about my life that I'm unwilling to share....the good, the bad and the ugly....it's part of what makes me me.


A few days ago my sister posted a blog about not having it all together...her life, her mothering skills, her duties as a wife...but yet she felt this urge to appear to have it all together. Does this sound familiar to anyone? It must ring a bell, especially with us moms, because her post got a lot of reaction.


I started wondering what kind of image or pretense I put on for others--intentional or unintentional. Why do we moms feel pressure to be SuperMom? Why do we give in to the snare of comparison? I do it. You do it. We all do it. And I think we need to give each other a break and especially give ourselves a break. Mommyhood is not easy, to say the least. When we embrace that fact, I think we reduce the pressure we feel to make everything seem hunky-dory. To quote one of my husband's favorite lines: it is what it is.


It's time for us to come alongside one another with empathy for the struggles of balancing our jobs as moms, wives, sisters, friends, etc. And in order to do that we have to get real with one another. Let it all hang out....the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm encouraging each one of you to share some of your common struggles or mishaps with motherhood. Share the real you.....that's what I'm doing today. I do not have it all together.


Here are some examples to prove it:

1. I don't wash juice cups or bottles each time they're used. Sometimes I just stick them back in the fridge until the next use.

2. My kids have worn their pajamas in public....sometimes they're matching pj's but sometimes they're not.

3. I forget to brush Emerie's teeth at least once a week.

4. I have re-gifted a gift.

5. I don't get out of bed until Emerie cries for her bottle. Some days it is 8:45 am before she wakes up.

6. Last week, after the 16th request from Landrie to "Watch me, momma." I simply replied, "No, thanks."

7. I talk on the phone while I play with my kids.

8. Many times, I think too much about what I'm wearing.

9. I will let clothes sit in the dryer for several days before folding them.

10. I have a hard time paying a compliment to family members.

11. I am hyper-critical of others.

12. Sometimes, the only thing that gets me through the week is my one day of Mother's Day Out.

13. Sometimes, the only thing that gets me through the day is nap time.

14. I spend too much money.

15. I'm not faithful to my quiet times.

16. I let my kids watch too much tv.

17. I won't cook certain recipes because it requires too many pots and pans-- which means more clean up for me afterwards.

18. I don't wash my pillow cases often because I only have one set that feels "soft enough."

19. The inside of my car is a total disaster. But the inside of my house is immaculate.

20. The reason my house is immaculate is because I spend more time picking up and straightening things than playing with my girls.


So there you have it. I don't share these things with you to create a pity party for myself. And I hope you aren't challenged to share things with me or others that make you feel terrible about yourself. I hope I've encouraged us, as women and mothers, to stop pretending. It isn't healthy. But what is healthy and cathartic is extending grace, empathy and mercy to each other. To come alongside one another and say "Me, too" or "I know exactly how you feel." Empathy unifies, and us mommies need unity to get through each day!


So fill me in....what are some "real" things about your life?

14 comments:

Having It All said...

I love you, Angela. You are a pioneer. I would love to share my many inadequacies with you, but I need to get to bed. Oh - so there's one. I stay up too late most nights and then many mornings I am grumpy with my children because I am tired. Thanks for this blog. I mean it.

gwsas4 said...

What a great post - women are not honest enough with each other and well, everything you said was so right on. Thank you for being transparent! Every single one of those things you listed I was like, "yes! me too!" I can even related to Amy D's comment about staying up way too late & being a grump-wad the next morning with my kids because I'm soooo tired - I think I've been tired for 7 straight years... Thanks again for sharing!

Juli said...

::::::::smooches:::::: LOVE you, Ang :) I still think you're a Supermom :) I played, on my blog!

Tressa said...

I think a mom who can admit her faults is truly a supermom! Seriously!

I really do appreciate your honesty. Its good to know we are all just normal.

Now, lets seeeeee..... honestly, my biggest imperfection is my temper. I slip with my attitude, and my words, and my actions. No one gets hurt, but its definitely not uplifting for anyone to be around me when I cant control myself.

Its something Im working on, and have always been working on! I write about it on my grouchyladybug blog all the time. (if you or anyone want to read my findings on the topic of anger)

Thanks for letting me share, it feels good to do so, and always helps to know your not alone!

Kylie said...

Hudson uses the same milk cup and juice cup all day. We only get dressed if we have somewhere to go. Sometimes I have to rewash an entire load of laundry because it sat for so long before being folded or hung up that it is too wrinkled to wear. Hudson stays up very late at night, like 9:30 or 10 because I don't want him to ever go to bed sad so I'm not real firm on the bedtime. (I am trying to work on this) Plus we really like to play together in the evenings... dishes are everywhere from dinner, if I even got around to cooking at all. And I usually don't clean up from dinner until the next morning... Because I want to play after dinner, not be stuck in the kitchen. I spend way too much time playing and don't clean much of anything honestly... but Ronny and I still like our alone time so we're usually awake till midnight because our alone time started so late... then I'm absolutely in bed until one of the children wakes me up. Nope, nothings perfect (or very clean) at my house but we sure have fun :)I wish with all my heart that I could have it all- loads of play time with my kids and alone quiet time with Ronny AND cooked meals and a clean house all the time, but I just can't do it. Now, I just wish I wasn't embarrassed for people to come over unexpected and see the way we live!

Unknown said...

This made my day!! I especially loved seeing the late or "early" times people posted. I had to quit my late night habit by getting up at 5 am for 2 weeks. Sad, huh?! I think if we all stopped pretending, we would realize we were not bad mommies or inadequate...just normal. My house is in bad shape most of the time, I have to rewash or redry clothes like Kylie because they sit too long. I resigned myself to be a "Mary" at home because I was failing as a "Martha."I have given my kids Benadryl to help them sleep.
Your blogs are great.

Dona said...

I may have to copy you on this idea. There is something great about knowing that other people don't have things together like your assumptions. I love that the inside of your car is a mess. I love that you leave clothes in the dryer for days. I love that your let your kids drink out of dirty cups. Honestly, my gettin' real could turn ugly.

A Konzelman said...

I think as men and women we put too much weight and thought into what others think of us. It's extrememly exhausting, not to mention an un-biblical way to live. Brett Mills just taught about this last saturday night at church. The Lord should be the only one that we aim to please. Not that I've mastered this, but I try to take these thoughts captive and remember who's opinion matters most. Thanks for being authentic.

-Amanda

Anonymous said...

Gasp! I can't believe you, Angela. Do you really stay in bed until 8:45? I'm going to start praying for your children. ;)
I hope you realize that this is sarcasm. Yes, one of my many faults.
Love you and this post! Wonderful! Now, I have to follow suit with the other posters and get to bed. There isn't enough time in the day to finish my list.
I will say that my one true motto that I try to live by is to not say ANYTHING TO ANYONE that isn't uplifting or helpful. I'm sure that is in Ephesians somewhere. I'm just saying that I need all the encouragement I can get, so I try to do the same for others, even if they're mean to me. ;)
So there...I ain't so bad (hee,hee,hee...yeah right!).
jen ross

Emily said...

What a fantastic post! I love your honesty and I wish that as women (especially as moms) we could all be this honest with each other. it sure would take the pressure off. Thanks for sharing your realness...I think that this is yet another idea I will steal for my blog in the near future.

Rose said...

Thanks for doing this! We should all be this real. Off to try to get Colin down for a nap....... 1 1/2 hr late!

Anonymous said...

REALLY appreciated reading this!!! I'll be a mom in September and already feel my "short-comings". Many things on your list cracked me up!!!

(so sorry that I comment and you cannot see my blog bc it is private. If you would like me to invite you email me at katiehiggins1@hotmail.com)

aWare said...

I just fell in love with your blog! I want to be your friend! I totally related to all of your "faults"! I am also posting a comment from my private blog but, if you want to see what crazy women commented ware.amanda@gmail.com and I will sign you up! Your family is just adorable

Unknown said...

1. I'd rather go hungry than go to the grocery store.
2. I look forward to getting my hair highlighted more than going to church.
3. I've driven off with the gas pump still in my car not once but twice.
4. I order food from Secret Chef more than I cook.
5. I sing in choir on Sundays but tend to skip practice Wed. b/c I'd rather hang out with my hubby when he comes home from work.
There are some of my "realisms" Angela! Love you, Claire