Perspective

This past week, I heard the sighs and sobs of mothers all across the country as their children, once again, started a new school year. The first day of school is tough for some; torture for others....and then there's me. I held Landrie's hand as we walked into the school building, then flung her into her classroom, kissed her quickly on the forehead, and went running through the halls yelling, "Freeeeeeeeedom!"

We're all different, right? In addition to the emotional turmoil associated with the first day of school, I received an email from one of my closest, dearest friends who had just sent her oldest son off to Baylor University last week. Most of you know that I am NOT a cry-er. I hate to cry so badly that I will do inappropriate things to keep from doing so.....like crack a joke at the wrong time or make weird facial contortions. But after reading that particular email, I bawled. And I realized that it was just the right dose of perspective that I needed because as much as I enjoy the quiet peacefulness when I'm home alone, one day it will be a permanent sound.

So, I wanted to share Kim Stevens' email with you (with her permission of course), and together we have decided that she may become a regular Guest Blogger for me. (She is too lazy to start her own blog, and I am too lazy to post regularly. We're a good fit.)

For those of you who don't know Kim (all three of you), she is a mother of four. She has a strong relationship with the Lord. She is fair and honest. She is quite the fashionista. She is also a cry-er and will cry at the drop of a hat which drives me crazy on Sunday mornings because even though I hate to cry, it is a first response for me. And I tear up every time I see Kim cry....which is, like, no less than 40 times on Sunday mornings. But most importantly, she is someone from whom I regularly seek advice, and I believe that God has entrusted her with vast amounts of wisdom. I love this chic, and I hope her email gives each one of you that daily dose of perspective that we so desperately need to get through the hardest job on the planet known as Motherhood.

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I’ve decided blogging is the new scrapbooking: a venue to share thoughts, feelings and photos abut your life with family, friends and complete strangers. While I am not ready to hop on the blogging train, there are times when I think, “If I only had a blog, I’d say (fill in the blank here).” Most of the time it’s things like: Britt’s Burger Barn has the BEST hamburgers & onion rings in Waco. Or – this woman-who-hates-to-shave has found a terrific razor, the Venus 5-blade, that actually makes shaving bearable. Or – Johnny Carinos has a great deal on Monday nights for families. (We can feed our entire family for $10-15!) You get the idea.

This morning, if I had a blog, I’d write about our first days of school - the time of year that every mother looks forward to with anticipation and dread. We took our 2nd child on Monday, our youngest two this morning, and will take our oldest tomorrow. We have some monumental first days of school this year. Our 2nd born, Nicholas started high school. Having been through that once before, I thought it might be a little less difficult. But - having been through that once before, I know a little more about what challenges he will face in these next four years…how his character and faith will be tested and proven, how his body will change to become another man in the house, and how his future will be impacted by the choices he makes.

Our younger two, Matthew and Elizabeth, are still at the same school. Their uniforms and shoes are a little bigger, the supply lists a little longer, and the quietness in our house a little more deafening. Yesterday, I was so tired. So ready for a break. This morning, I miss them.

It was fun seeing old friends this morning at drop-off. The kids are excited about new lockers, new teachers, and the new year. All the moms had fake smiles on their faces as they hugged and greeted each other. We’re all “doing great” – yeah, right. We’re all lying…our hearts are all breaking at the thought of another year that will fly by in our children’s lives. We all know they are growing up way too fast.

Which brings me to tomorrow…

Another monumental first day of school.

We will be up bright and early to drive our oldest child, Benjamin, to college. I will spend the day today helping him pack up his life here into a bunch of suitcases and boxes, and that will be that. Those of you who have been down this road know – you know the heart-ache, the pain, the loss. I never knew how your physical heart could literally hurt until this last fall when we began that final year of having him home.

Oh I know, it’s not like it’s forever. It’s not like we’ll never see him (he’s only 15 minutes away for Pete’s sake!) But I’m all too aware that this is the end of a chapter in my life as his mom. It’s a hump we have to get over - on to bigger and better things. Kenny & I are both close to our parents so I know there’s a friendship that will replace the “because I said so” kind of relationship we have had for 18 years. In the meantime though…I’m really, really sad. Those of you that know me well know I’m sitting at my computer with tears running down my face. My nose is stopped up. I’m generally pitiful all the way around. I’m glad to have this day alone with Benjamin. I’ll have a good cry and pull myself together before his eyes ever open. We’ll run around town and pick up more stuff for his room. Maybe shop for a car (his died a painful death). Have lunch. We’ll laugh. I’ll cry. (He’s so excited he can’t stand it!) We’ll all eat out together tonight and spend some family time praying for him. (Actually I’ll spend a lot of time praying – my every waking thought is, “Lord, hold on tight to him. Don’t let him go!”) We’ll load up everything into the suburban and all try to get a good night’s sleep. Yeah, right…

Pray for our family if you think of us tomorrow. It’s a big adjustment for all of us. One less schedule to manage, one less plate at the table, one less laundry basket (not crying so much about that J). The kids have plenty of “he/she’s driving me crazy!” moments but they really do love each other and will miss Benjamin. Even though he might not admit it, I think he will miss them a little bit, too. Kenny & I will be going into a different parenting mode with Benjamin…trying to figure that out. Things are just going to be different…from now on.

Thanks for letting me pour out my heart this morning. I am grateful for each of you. I hope your first days of school go well. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ve got one open.

Kim